im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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