six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
