yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
