Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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