he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
