he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
accomplished twins. life is a go
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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