in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
