It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
