I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
