Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
