Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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