I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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