tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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