he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
two words...techno handjob
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
