My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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