I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
