Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
