you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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