Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
