She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
