Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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