I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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