my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
