i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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