Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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