Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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