I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
