you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
