That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize