So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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