last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
