It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
