I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
