your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
