1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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