I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
