her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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