Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
