It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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