So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
