He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
