I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
