I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
