i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
