i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
