If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
