I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
