with your own penis?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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