You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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