You're completely useless in the revolution.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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