my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
