I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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