The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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