She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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