Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
