Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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