I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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