our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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