Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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