woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
