Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
