im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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