My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
