He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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