He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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