he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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