You smell like stripper and shame
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
