Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
