The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
